20 things I, Harry Potter am not allowed to do
by jbh14
Summary: A list of 20 things Harry Potter has been forbidden from doing by order of Albus Dumbledore and the school faculty. Not to be taken seriously unless one is Harry Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**Jbh14:** Just something my brain came up with late at night after eating a large slice of Chocolate cake. Please read and enjoy.

**20 things I, Harry Potter am not allowed to do by order of Albus Dumbledore**

I am not allowed to tell the first years about the thousand year old dead snake below the school.

I am not allowed to tell the first years that Professor Snape is a half-vampire.

I am not allowed to dress up with Luna as a pair of Smurfs.

I am not allowed to tell first years that Hogwarts is a 'special school'.

I am not allowed to invite Lord Voldemort to be my pen-pal.

I am not allowed to tell the Daily Prophet that Lord Voldemort is my pen-pal.

I am not allowed to dress all the first years in sailor fuku's.

I am not allowed to go on holiday at a nudist resort in France with Fleur Delacour.

Or Daphne Greengrass.

Nor with Luna Lovegood.

Or all three.

I am not allowed to sell Ginny Weasley on ebay.

I am not allowed to take a gender bender potion then become president of the 'Harry Potter Fanclub'.

I am not allowed to take a gender bender potion, then try and convince everyone I was really born a girl.

I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore what wattage his eyes are.

I am not allowed to lead Luna and Ginny on a search for the 'One Ring'.

Nor am I allowed to claim Dumbledore the Grey told me to.

I am not allowed to claim the Dark Lord's real name is Justin Bieber.

I am not allowed to rename Halloween as 'Kill Harry day'.

I am not allowed to ask Cedric Diggory "How's Bella?" whilst Cho Chang is nearby.

**Jbh14:** So any good? Please R+R. If I get enough reviews then I'll write another list or two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jbh14: **I just can't get enough of these lists. There so much fun to write.

**20 more things I, Harry Potter am not allowed to do by order of Albus Dumbledore**

I am not allowed to tell the first years that Professor Snape is a full-vampire.

I am not allowed to start a survey to find out how many people killed a Professor whilst attending Hogwarts and then owl my results to the Daily Prophet.

I am not allowed to go to any nudist resorts, not even if it has cute veela.

I am not allowed to change my name to Tom Riddle Sr.

I am not allowed to ask Voldemort why he doesn't have a nose.

I am not allowed to encourage the 'Harry Potter Fanclub' to call me Master Harry; no matter how much they want to.

I am not allowed to convince the house elves to put cat nip in all Professor McGonagall's food.

I am not allowed to start my own harem.

I am not allowed to confirm whether or not I have a harem.

I am not allowed to ask Fleur Delacour to join my harem; no matter how much she wants to.

I am not allowed to become a Dark Lord and start a harem.

Or a Grey Lord.

I am not allowed to take a potion to become a male veela to amuse myself; as it tends to distract the female population from their school work.

I am not allowed to claim Gabrielle Delacour as my side kick in the fight against the Dark.

I am not allowed to ask Voldemort "Does this make me Jerry?" to see his reaction.

I am not allowed to tell first years that if they get a lightning bolt shaped scar then Voldemort will not be able to harm them.

I am not allowed to ask the first years for advice on how to get laid as it confuses them.

I am not allowed to ask Professor Snape if he needs a hug.

Or ask Voldemort.

I am not allowed to ask Luna for dating advice as it will result in me either gaining a harem or participating in an orgy or both.

**Jbh14:** So any good? Please R+R. Reviews will help me write more lists, honest :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Jbh14:** I know its been awhile since I've written anything for this, but I was struck by sudden inspiration whilst on holiday abroad. Thank god for Google Docs.

**Even more things I, Harry Potter am not allowed to do by order of Albus Dumbledore**

1. I am not allowed to declare Hogwarts as a monument to the Great Harry Potter.

2. I am not allowed to tell the first years that talking to students from a different house to you will result in a terribly tragic death.

3. I am not allowed to claim that the Dark Lord is my biological father.

4. I am not allowed to tell the Daily Prophet that Ginny Weasley is my sister who was hidden with the Weasleys at birth to protect her.

5. I am not allowed to let Gabrielle Delacour claim me as her Veela mate.

6. I am not allowed to let Fleur Delacour 'save' me from her possessive younger sister.

7. I am not allowed to try to cast anti-senility charms on Headmaster Dumbledore as it gives him a headache.

8. I am not allowed to tell the Daily Prophet that my parents are actually in hiding with my twin brother who is the 'real' boy-who-lived' as it makes the Headmaster nervous.

9. I am not allowed to question the validity of prophecies as I make too good a case against the 'greater good'.

10. I am not allowed to try to make Cedric 'sparkle' in direct sunlight.

11. I am not allowed to try to get a bill passed to make it illegal to 'kill Harry' on Halloween.

12. I am not allowed to ask anyone in high standing about why my parents only left a trust vault as it leads to inconvenient truths for the Headmaster.

13. I am not allowed to use Fawkes in my never ending quest to try and create unlimited Kentucky-fried-chicken.

14. I am not allowed to hang a sign over the Slytherin table that says "Come to the Darkside, we have cookies"

15. I am not allowed to tell people "I'm from the shire" as an excuse for my height.

16. I am not allowed to play Golf against the giant squid with Fleur Delacour as my caddy.

17. I am not allowed to retune the ceiling in the Great Hall to Babestation as it turns Pure-bloods more muggle friendly.

18. I am not allowed to offer to summon a new Defense teacher for the headmaster as I always get a Succubus which can be rather distracting.

19. I am not allowed to talk about the one time I accidentally summoned an Incubus instead as any more Obliviations could be dangerous.

20. I am not allowed to give the House-elfs the recipe for 'special' brownies from Amsterdam and have them serve it for dessert every day.


End file.
